The time goes by so quickly and the days just seem to meld into one another. It’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be two weeks when Maggie crossed over. At times I’ve felt that the pain I endured prior to Maggie’s death was so much harder than the pain I’m feeling now. And then it hits like a tsunami. It feels like my every bone, my every cell, my very being is shattering. Then that passes….
I know I’m not alone on this roller coaster ride — I watch Tara have playful moments and then she just suddenly stops and looks so sad and lost. At other times she just looks like the world is on her shoulders, sitting there staring off into space. I feel I can completely relate and wonder if that’s where some of the time has gone….staring off into space…connecting with Maggie on another level, connecting with Guides, Angels, other Spiritual Beings to heal this pain and create peace.
Even though this is so hard and so painful, I truly feel that it’s not as difficult as watching Maggie change every day — watching the lump almost get bigger before my very eyes, watching her ability to move with her amazing grace and poise slowly deteriorate, seeing the look in her eyes as she looked out at the world with such understanding and knowledge, watching her leave the room if I cried. I would rather have this pain. This pain from her loss. This pain from knowing she’s no longer in physical form with me, than that pain. At least I know she’s happy, free from pain and in a wonderful, undescribeable place.
I feel I can grieve and know that it is a healthy grief. I know I did everything humanly possible to help her as she went through this journey. Maggie had a wonderful life and I gave her my all. She deserved no less! Was it perfect, no, because I’m not perfect but Maggie wasn’t asking for perfection. Maggie was asking for love, respect, kindness, consideration, good food and care. That she got. That she gave back. Well, not the food maybe but she would have if she could — she did bring me anything she managed to kill. I tried to show my appreciation but at times that was difficult. I remember when she caught her first baby rabbit and brought it to me with this quizzical expresssion as if “here, I’m not sure what to do with this”. That made two of us!
Anyway, knowing that Maggie and I have an amazing life together is letting me grieve and go through the stages of grief in a beautiful way that I can only wish for others. To not have any “I wish I had”, “I should have”, “Why did I,” thoughts clouding my heart makes my memories clear and clean. Makes my grief clear and clean. Which I know will also make my healing clear and clean. So please, if you have any, feelings or thoughts about ‘wishes’, ‘shoulds’, or ‘whys’, let them go and remember only the love and gifts that you and your animal companions have given to each other. Celebrate the time you had together, knowing that you will be together again, in another form, another way. I truly believe our animal companions are part of our soul family and never, ever leave us!