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How do I?

How do I lie in bed tonight and not have her beside me as I go to sleep? How do I roll over and not have her in my way? How do I open my eyes in the middle of the night and not see her sleeping beside me, not feel her touching me? How do I wake up and not have her beside me or know that she will be waiting for me excitedly at the bottom of the stairs in the morning? Lying there looking up for me to come down the stairs and then coming up the first couple of steps so anxious to say good morning!

How do I not have her bugging me to get off the computer and go for a walk at night? How do I not have that heavy sigh if I play Free Cell too long?

How do I not have her excited look — ears up, eyes bright when I say “do you want to go for a walk?”

How do I not have that look “oh cripes, you’re crying again”, when I’m sad and crying? How do I not have her support as I go through those sad times in my life? How do I not have her there to celebrate the wonderful things that happen in my life?

How do I go to the park and not have her disappear chasing some squirrel, fox, or whatever? How do I go for a walk in the woods and not worry about where’s she’s gone? Timing how long she’s been gone to figure out whether I need to start worrying?

 How do I walk in the door and not have her greeting me? How do I enter the house and not have her rubbing against my legs and smiling up at me with such love and happiness to see me?

How do I sit on the deck and not have her with me? How do I not have her during the day to watch chasing squirrels? How do I not have her with me in the evening to sit on the deck and check out the stars and the moon?

How do I sit and watch television without her beside me on the couch, sitting on the loveseat or lying on the floor. How do I not have her lying on the couch or love seat and the getting off and stretching out on the floor? How do I not have her come in from outside and night, look at me, and then go up to bed on her own?

How do I not have her barking when anyone is in the yard behind the house at night? How do I not have her barking when the kids make noise going down the street at night? How do I not have her barking protectively when  someone comes to the house?

How do I not have her at the office with me? How do I not have her saying hello to clients? How do I not have her coming to me at my desk, saying ‘it’s time to go home’?

How do I not have those eyes? Those amazing deep, old-soul eyes? How do I do any of this?…….Dear God, Universe, Creator please give me the strength to do all of this. Please give me the strength to go through this afternoon with love and compassion and not sadness and dispair. To be the human that Maggie and Tara both need me to be. Please be with us all — everyone who is physically with Maggie and those who are energetically present. Please hold Tara in all the love that she needs to be held in. Please make this an easy transition for Maggie. Assist her on her journey as she joins others who are already there waiting for her with love. Thank you…..

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